Last week, I went to the semi-annual parent-teacher conference at Turdface's school... According to his teacher, he is very bright but needs to apply himself. He is working below his abilities, see? And he's talking too much in class, see? And then I said... Wait. Why are we talking about me?

Last night, I got in from dinner with a friend at 5:30 and then laid around in my pajamas until I passed out on the couch watching Law & Order... The transformation is complete! I am officially my grandpa!